I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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