Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Found your dick twin last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
