I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
