if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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