So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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