I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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