Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
love makes seman taste better
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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