i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
