I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
