when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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