were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
