i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
