it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
