he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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