I faked an abortion last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
