there's paper in my vomit.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
