Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
