i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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