I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Michael Bay diarrhea
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
