Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
