there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
