Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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