I cockslap morals
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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