He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
