Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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