eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
