so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
