i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
