Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
