Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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