Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
