Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
