farters have to be the big spoon...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
