Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize