Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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