All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
