just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
