vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
