Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
