you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
