even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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