she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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