New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
