please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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