Just cropdusted the office
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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