yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
