He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
