the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
