Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize