That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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