so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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