i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
