You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
wow bdsm is so cute
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
