My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
