ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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