Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
