Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
