Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
