12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
