Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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