I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
