Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
